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Resolution.

Everything in my life has brought me here. ––Rainer Maria Rilke

Each new year, like many of you, I toss the figurative pieces of my life in the air to reimagine myself, our home, our work, our life. Culture-wide, it is the great re-evaluation of what we are meant to do, how we are meant to live, what or whom we truly value.  To keep my thoughts free of expectation, I pen them quietly in my journal as I go about cleaning forgotten corners and shelves, emptying the house of unnecessaries. Clearing the contents of a closet or an unsorted drawer seems to inspire my brain to do the same. And like the contents that end up piled by the door to pass on to another home or donate, I often discover it is not that I need more, but to be more disciplined with less. The same can be true of my goals. As I flipped through four journal pages of scrawled lists and fragmented thoughts cluttering my headspace––everything from our family’s core values to the spilled soil in the car that needs vacuuming to unfinished creative projects to a book I want to read aloud with the kids this year to something on this blog that needs fixing and so on––I was surprised to learn that my reaction was not to organize or optimize these thoughts, and it certainly wasn’t to add to it. Instead, I wanted to pen inked lines through them, to discern which mattered the most and fold the rest away with the unnecessaries by the door.

The underlying truth? Everything is a trade-off. I know this. You know this. Whether it is the space in our home or calendar or the more figurative space in our head, choosing one thing always requires us to give up something else. And yet, still, I find myself living and making choices, ignoring this core principle. I learned this the hard way recently. I am home for the bulk of my day, and from the time I wake up through the dinner hour, our energy seems high and buzzing, frenetic even. The hours fold into one another with personal work and chores and schoolwork and play and social media and meals and emails and walks and character conversations. The evening hours have always been life-giving for me in a different way than the day. They restore and quiet me. They allow space for my introverted person, for reflection or reading or time with Mark. Yet not wanting to compromise my daytime rhythms and work, I was scheduling more and more meetings and meet-ups during the evenings.

During much of this last fall, I felt this ongoing frustration at the lack of order in our days. The evening chores were often sloppy and only mostly done, meaning our mornings often started there. I felt this growing exhaustion and grumpiness in me coupled with a lack of creativity. I stopped picking up my camera. My writing felt flat, lacking in soul and often remained in drafts or in journals. Much of my time typically allotted to writing here or on social media was spent in restorative prayer and reading to curb a growing current of anxiety in my chest. There were regular piles in my bedroom: schoolwork needing reading/checking, books and articles I wanted to read, clothes folded and waiting to be put away somewhere in my messy drawer. I planned out my lists weekly and daily, crossing off, crossing off, crossing off; I had an assistant a few hours a week to help manage it all, and yet still, I sensed this looming sense of disorder and disconnection. As I cleared spaces and thoughts last week, wondering and making notes, I realized I had been giving too much to other people in the evenings. I had said yes to meetings and meet-ups with others because the hours seemed available. Technically, I didn’t have things scheduled, right? Without realizing it, I was trading off an essential part of myself, a crucial part of my own creativity, restoration, and connection within the home. One fresh start for the new year? Protect evening margins during the week.

Naturally, your own trade-offs will be different. Your home, core values, and energy will differ, too, sometimes year to year. The aim is not sameness. Rather, it is understanding your/family’s highest value and how to best protect and honor the energy required to work toward it. Sometimes it will mean folding up and shelving something for later; sometimes it will mean better-organization of time or resource; sometimes it will mean letting go of something altogether.

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Light the Path | Reflections to Welcome the New Year

Reflections for the New Year

Each new year is a baptism of sorts, a release of one thing, a grasp for another. Whether one toasts champagne or simply turns the paper page on the calendar, we cross over, like mystics. Each of us. All of us. A new year.

I realize for most of us, life carries on today as usual, cup of coffee in hand, laundry, email, work. The ordinariness of time can sometimes mask its importance. I have been cleaning out closets and re-ordering spaces around the house this last week, recalibrating our home after the holiday whirl. These sort of inventories offer the best sort of reflection, a practical accounting of days and time and space. Let it go or put it in place, practically and metaphorically. The process has been that simple.

Yet through it, I have noticed more gentleness toward myself, an ease in letting go without excuse, something atypical to me. I have packed a large box of books we have outgrown, supplies we do not use, work we have completed. I threw away old planners and tangential ideas scratched on paper, opting instead to begin with a clear mind and working space. It is difficult to toss ideas aways, but they can become cumbersome and distracting to new ones. I am trusting that the ideas that matter will circle back on their own again, in their own time.

2016 taught me more about this, about letting go of failure and disappointment and unfinished dead ends, about working with steadfastness and patience. 2016 taught me more about creating in the face of fear, dreaming in spite of failure, putting down the litmus of comparison. It taught me about the power of voice and the value of silence. It’s funny how such powerful lessons can be woven amid difficult circumstances.

Like many people, I typically journal on the cusp of each year. This year, I will be journaling daily in this archival journal my friends Ronnie and Trish just released, filled with daily prompts for cataloguing the days. For me, this annual period of reflection is less about marking tasks to accomplish in the new year and is more about noticing the hidden narrative of my days, the magic lying within the ordinariness and even the hardship. I generally reflect on our year as a family relationally and spiritually. I reflect on our community relationships. I reflect on our homeschool year. Since I am goal-oriented by nature, I prefer to jot down goals for the year ahead. Sometimes I flounder; sometimes I rise. Either way, I am learning how to hold these plans a bit more loosely, to allow them room to take organic course. They are more or less a flickering light for the path ahead. They often keep my feet moving when I feel a bit lost, even if only toward the next step.

For those who are interested, here are a few of the thoughts below I use to process each new year. May they be a flickering light for your path, too.

soult-journals

REFLECT

What was the biggest success of the last year (expected and unexpected)? 

What was the biggest disappointment or obstacle? Were these temporary circumstances or something ongoing/long-term? 

Were your expectations/goals at the beginning of the year reasonable?  Were you trying to do too much at once? Did others involved respond how you anticipated? Finances? Time?

How did you use your free time (unplanned time)? Did you even have free time? Did you rest well?  List some factors or circumstances that prohibit rest/restoration.

How did you take care of yourself? Write one thing you did for yourself that you’d like to continue.

How well did you connect with or take care of others? Name a meaningful point of connection last year. Is there a way to re-create it in the new year?

How do you feel entering the new year? (excited, anxious, fearful, expectant, overwhelmed, etc.) Are any specific life circumstances contributing to this feeling? How does this emotion fuel you? Your family’s relationships/learning? Your work? How does it deplete them?

LET GO

Take a moment to let go of accomplishment and disappointment. Acknowledge your emotions and release them. Imagine yourself being emptied and cleared. Pray and ask for wisdom.

PLAN AHEAD

What is one specific way you want to take care of yourself this year? Is this daily, weekly, monthly? Write it down. If possible, share it with someone you trust, someone who will help you prioritize it.

What is one specific, concrete way to connect with those in your home in a more meaningful way this year? Just one. Is this a daily, weekly, or monthly practice?

What is one specific, concrete way to connect with someone(s) outside of your home in a more meaningful way? Begin with one. Is this a daily, weekly, monthly practice? Write it on the calendar.

What is one area of your family daily routine you’d like to shift? (I ask myself this specifically for the homeschool, too.) What do you need to eliminate? Simplify? Add? Have more consistency in? Write it down.

What part of the follow-through do you need the most help? Physically? Logistically? Emotionally? Spiritually?

What encourages you the most in your daily living? Write down one habit change to cultivate encouragement.

hello, 2016.

new_year

Thank you, thank you for all of your patience while this space has been down the last couple of weeks. The re-organization here certainly took longer than I intended and often mirrored the tidying process in our physical home–clearing one pantry shelf only to find myself emptying and scrubbing all of the cabinets with all the contents on the floor. Needless to say, there were many cobwebs in the underbelly of this space, and I’m grateful to my brother-in-law, Tim, for helping me clear them.

For clarity, you’ll now find the categories in the top menu and even subcategories within a few of the larger topics, ideally making it easier to seek and find. I’m still tweaking several details, including organizing or correcting image files that didn’t quite transfer properly, but nothing too distracting. It takes time to comb and fix hundreds of posts, so if something looks off, chances are I just haven’t gotten to that one quite yet. Wink.

Typically, in my first post of the new year, I might talk about my personal or household goals as I did here and here, but this year feels somehow different. Although in one hand it holds a typical sense of expectation, in the other I feel less need to define what I ought to do with it. This is new for me, as I more often use blank life pages to form TO DO lists and goals. With growing children and work, life has become quite full over here, a different sort of busy from our early family years, and even with all of our intentional choices to live in an unhurried/slow manner, some busyness is unavoidable. Entering 2016, I’m breathing a little deeper and simply hoping to embrace this full season as it comes.

Happy New Year, friends––a little belated, of course. Also, winter has been mild enough for trees an plants to bloom here. These, I thought, looked like fireworks, a celebratory welcome to January.

a new year. a new blog.

Happy New Year and welcome to Cloistered Away‘s new space–the best way to begin 2014! First, thank you to Corina and Theodore for their impeccable design and site work and for their promptness and great attitude working through the holiday season. Also, thank you, Kristen, for the beautiful profile images (and for making me look like a superstar) in the midst of your busiest work season. I’m so grateful. For those of you who subscribe to Cloistered Away, your subscriptions will take a few days to fully transfer. If by next week you notice you aren’t receiving anything in your reader, check back and subscribe via email again. I apologize in advance.

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2014-goals

I’m naturally a goal-setting/planning type of person, so I generally enjoy this time of year, a time of reflection and anticipating the future. Typically, I would dream up a few huge projects or lifestyle choices to evaluate and change, but frankly, I’m too tired for a longer TO DO list this year. Instead, in 2014, I am evaluating the little, everyday things, such as how I eat my food (too often standing at the counter) or how I communicate with friends (mostly electronically) to how I can help keep our almost 13 year marriage fresh (break the routines a few times). My hope? Small changes, large impact. How about you? What are some of your goals in the new year? What are a few little, everyday things you already do or want to do to improve your life? I’d love to know.

new years resolutions: 2008

new years champagne

Well, we’re back from our whirlwind Christmas in north Texas; I’ll post some pictures soon.  But, today is the first day of the new year: fresh starts, bright beginnings…etc. It’s time to assess the past and dream of the future: it’s time for resolutions. So, I thought you might enjoy hearing a few of my own:

1. Work-out (at gym or outside) 3 days a week. I know it’s cliche. But this was last year’s goal, and seeing that it only happened twice, it’s still a legitimate goal.

2. Try a new recipe once a week. Also last year’s goal, and I was successful until about October. I’m pushing through in 2008. 

3. Finish a book. I know it’s sad. It’s the biggest thing that I miss in this little life –reading time. I have time, but right now it’s sporadic. I have a really difficult time getting into a book that I might have to read over a month or two. So, I either skim or don’t finish it at all.

Anyone want to share their personal resolutions? I would love to hear them!