Time has stopped almost entirely here these last two months. Offline, we are fumbling through changes again, wrapping up our school year (finally), beginning new and larger home projects, and still trying to find that unclear balance between so many roles. A dear friend recently commented to me, referring to the comical amount of activites her kids were involved in, ”This was suppose to be easier. I was a hard-ass, draw-the-line mom before I had kids.” I laughed aloud–not just the LOL or ”crying I’m laughing so hard” emoticon either–a rich, from the gut laughter at how easily the lines of modern life blur between shoulds and shouldn’ts, needs and wants, and that in life which is mine, theirs, yours, and ours.
Honestly, I really love the internet, this space, and the relationships I’ve made here, but sometimes it smudges those boundaries even more, twisting my priorities and perspectives more than I want to admit. I’ve needed some room to find those lines again, to remember the parts of me that give substance within this somewhat hazy online world. Although this sort of silence is never popular and entirely antithetical to the social part of social medias, it has been healthy for me to put aside my phone and camera more often recently, to actually read the books on my nightstand, to choose slower-to-make whole foods over the more quickly made processed ones, to switch off the computer and be with Mark, to study the clouds for shapes and stories instead of the weather, to have pillow-fights and watch movies with the kids, to share weekends and drinks with friends.
I now have several backlogged portraits of my children and images of our home projects to share soon. Thank you all for your patience in this process and for the many ways you inspire me to bravery and courage. Happy Friday to you.